Accidents
by toyhto
Summary: They kiss behind the green houses, by accident, of course. And then in the dormitory, again by accident. It almost seems like something weird is going on. Remus/Sirius, slash, one-shot.


**Disclaimer:** As you know, J.K. Rowling owns these charming characters and everything else that has something to do with the Harry Potter series. I'm not getting money out of this, just warm feelings and practice for my writing!

**A/N: **Ah, Sirius and Remus! I just can't get over them! If you read it, please let me know what you thought!

xxxxx

**Accidents**

It was just an accident.

We were sneaking behind the green houses, trying to steal some useful herbs to be used later. Of course, we couldn't really agree on if it was completely right thing to do, but with light bribery I and James could get Remus to agree to stand in the bushes and whistle if anyone was coming. It wasn't really stealing, if you just stood there and minded your own business and maybe saved your friends' asses if it had to come to that.

This time James hadn't been able to make it. He hadn't really explained himself too well, but I thought it had something to do with flu, hot chocolate and Lily Evans who had been seen alone in the library. I didn't really mind. James had lately been quite clumsy at sneaking, as if he had been thinking something else all the time.

So, there were just the two of us. We managed to get behind the green houses without anyone noticing, and there I pointed an extremely dark-looking place under an old oak where Remus could hang around and warn me for any disturbance. It all would have worked so fine if Remus just hadn't stumbled on roots of the oak and I wouldn't have had to grab his arm to stop him from falling onto his nose and if he hadn't then grabbed me back and kissed me on the mouth.

'Shit,' Remus muttered still against my mouth. 'I didn't mean that.'

'I know,' I said.

'Sorry.'

'No need to apologize.'

'Do you still want to steal those stupid herbs?'

'Yeah, of course. That's why we're here.'

Remus sighed very deep and got to the oak, where he stood patiently and awkwardly waiting as I sneaked into the green house, avoided getting hit by an angry-looking reddish plant, and finally got my pockets full of those plain-looking herbs that were needed for many wicked pranks we were planning.

As we walked back to the castle I thought if I ought to mention the kiss. Remus didn't say anything, just looked straight ahead, probably scared of stumbling on another root of a tree.

'Moony – ' I finally started. If I ever wanted to mention the kiss, it was probably best to do it now.

'What?'

'I… We… You…'

'Shut up, Pads,' he said, but his voice didn't sound angry, 'it was just an accident. I get it.'

'But you – '

'You did too,' he snapped, 'please, don't say anything. I'll just feel embarrassed.'

I didn't say anything, because well, there was no reason to make Remus feel embarrassed. I swallowed a comment about me kissing him back and about that it had been a really good kiss though a bit clumsy, but that I could understand because Remus hadn't obviously had that much practice.

At first I sort of waited for that kind of an accident to happen again. I think I might even have avoided being alone with Remus, and a few times when we were, I wondered if he was going to grab my face and push our mouths together and maybe push me against the wall, and was it possible that he might even grope my ass or something that bold, but he didn't. And then I almost forgot about the whole thing.

xxxxxx

It was clearly just another accident, and it was completely Remus' fault. He had kissed me behind the green houses and so no one could blame me for feeling a bit weird around him and wondering… whatever it was that I was wondering. _He_ should have told me if it was a one time thing or if he was going to do it again some day. And even though I of course forgot about it and the life went on and we managed to frighten half of the students of Hogwarts with an air-balloon cat that came alive, I still wondered. Especially when I was drunk, and especially when I was drunk and sitting next to Remus in the Three Broomsticks and I hadn't kissed anyone in weeks and James was just going on and on about Lily Evans.

It was a really crappy night altogether. We had sneaked out to celebrate our latest achieved mischief, but James was just talking about Evans once again and Peter was talking about a brown-haired Ravenclaw girl who was a few years younger than us and had apparently marvelous tits, and I and Remus were just kind of sitting there. Remus drank his butter beer so slowly that I was afraid he would die before finishing it, and I didn't seem to be able to concentrate on anything.

'I'm not even drunk,' I finally said, when James was wondering if Lily possibly was angry at him because she had been one of the many targets of an angry air-balloon cat, or if she was still angry about that unfortunate accident with singing watermelon, one of the best charms we had yet achieved.

'So?' Remus asked, frowning slighty. 'I could even claim that it's a good thing if you aren't wasted every Friday night.'

'But I'm sixteen – '

'There's still plenty of time to melt your brain,' Remus claimed, but he didn't sound too cheerful. 'But if you aren't having a good time, I think we could as well get back to the castle.'

'Prongs? Wormtail? Want to go back? I think this isn't working right now.'

'What isn't working?' James said, looking concerned. 'The drinking?'

'You're just boring today,' I admitted, sighing. I knew that it wasn't their fault, but it just was unfair that girls could spoil all the fun even though they weren't even here.

James looked somewhat offended. Well, I would get it right tomorrow. Now I just kind of had to get out.

'I'll go with him,' Remus told James, 'really, you two can just stay there. Maybe he just has a bad day.'

'What?' I barked. 'I'm still here. And I'm not having a bad day, I'm just – '

'Come on,' Remus sighed, and for some reason I closed my mouth, 'let's just get out of here.'

The night was cold, to walk was boring and there was a crappy misty weather that was neither pretty nor mysterious. I walked my hands put deep down onto my pockets and Remus walked just a few inches away from me, like I had been wasted and he had been wondering if he would have to save me from falling in some point.

And well, I was just a bit wasted. That's why I suddenly seemed to be thinking about our incident. I recalled how Remus' jaw had felt against mine (a bit rough) and how our teeth had collided onto each other (just lightly, but it had felt really stupid).

I watched Remus from the corner of my eye. He seemed to just walk minding his own business, but why was he walking that close to me? What if he tried to kiss me again? Should I prepare? Should I possibly tell him to stop? If I didn't, would it mean that I was an asshole that was using my best friend for inappropriate purposes?

'So,' I finally said when my head seemed to be about to explode, 'are you going to try to kiss me or what?'

Remus froze. 'Excuse me?'

'Come on, Moony,' I said, 'you kissed me in the green houses. And now it's the perfect opportunity. I'm drunk. We're alone. I'm just wondering if you're going to do it or not.'

Remus looked back at me, frowning. I couldn't really see the expression in his eyes because it was quite dark. 'So you have been thinking about it? About the… last time?'

His voice was a bit weird, a bit huskier than usually, maybe, and… oddly calm. Like he had been talking business. I kind of liked it.

Then I realized that he has asked me a question, and there really was no way to answer it.

'No, of course,' I said and then wondered how it might sound, 'or of course I am, you know, just casually, and not too often, obviously.'

Well, that wasn't too bad. Remus was staring at me like he hadn't understood a single word.

'I mean,' I said, trying to collect my thoughts, 'that I haven't really thought about it that much, it was just an accident after all. But I just kind of wondered since we are alone and all, that if you were going to do it again, you might probably do it now.'

Remus inhaled deeply and said with a husky voice, 'I wasn't going to do it again, I suppose.'

'Ah. Okay.' I had a weird feeling in my stomach, like something had been sinking. Maybe there had been something weird in my butter beer.

I tried to figure out something to say but there really didn't seem to be anything.

'So, are we okay?' Remus said after a few silent minutes. 'You and me?'

'We are always okay,' I said.

I meant it, too, but there was something itching inside me, possibly stomach flu. We got back to our dormitory without talking and Remus seemed to be focused on going straight to the bed, but I just couldn't take it. It was itching my bones. I had to ask. But it was his fault completely, since he had started it.

'Moony? Could I please try something?'

'What?' Remus said, frowning. He looked worried.

'Just… oh, shit.' I stepped towards him. He took one step backwards. I took another and he glanced aside, but he had already his back against the wall and I wouldn't let him run away just now. I put my hands on his cheeks, just to test it, but it didn't feel quite right and so I put my hands against his neck and it was immediately better. He closed his eyes and opened his mouth just slightly, which was oddly enchanting. I pushed our mouths together.

It was different this time. Our teeth didn't collide. Our noses fit very fell next to each other. Remus was more patient. I had had more time to prepare and so I was more eager, licking his upper lip slightly just to see how he reacted. He moaned and I licked a bit more, and he opened his mouth a bit more, and then I really, really had to breathe.

'Pads,' Remus mumbled as our faces broke apart from each other, 'what the heck…. What do you…'

'Sorry, I just – '

'Why?' Remus muttered almost whispering, rubbing his temple and very much not looking me in the eyes.

I couldn't tell him. I just couldn't. There were no words in my mouth.

'One more time?' I asked.

Now Remus finally looked at me, his eyes wide and disbelieving. 'Really? Now?'

'It was good,' I said, 'better than the last time, you were being more patient. We could just try again and – '

'Padfoot, I really need to be alone for now,' Remus groaned. 'Please.'

'Oh, well, of course, but – '

'Thank you,' he said politely, backing away from me and disappearing into the bathroom. I sat on my own bed for a while, wondering if I was supposed to follow him and talk about our feelings or stuff like that, but then again, he had said that he wanted to be alone. And besides, I was never great with talking about feelings.

xxxxxx

I was almost certain that this time we really would have to talk about the kiss, but we didn't. Remus avoided me for two or three whole day and then everything went back to the normal. Or, almost normal. I was trying to watch Remus subtly, only to see if he was being weird towards me or if he was watching me secretly or something like that. Unfortunately I couldn't catch him staring at me and instead I usually ended up staring at his butt.

There obviously was something weird going on. Of course, it could be just an accident that two old friends, slightly wasted, end up kissing on the dormitory just out of the curiosity. It could happen to anyone. And neither of us had a girlfriend at the moment, so that if we wanted to kiss just so see how it felt, we were very welcome to do it. But still I had a weird feeling that it wasn't exactly the case here.

One day the thought just occurred my mind. At first it was so bizarre that I put it aside right away. Then it came back. I tried to watch Remus even more closely to see if I was right, but I still couldn't catch him staring at me, and the cases when he would catch me staring at him were increasing rapidly.

Still I wondered. Could he be in love with me? Really, could he? Like, actually in love with me? Like not just wanting to kiss me behind the green houses but wanting to… hold my hand, for Merlin's sake? Was it even possible? I wished that I could ask James for help but for some reason it didn't seem like a good idea.

Finally I draw out the conclusion that clearly falling in love was out of the question. Remus had seen me in my worst, like, for many times. And I had been watching him for almost two months now and was quite sure that he didn't stare at me secretly. Besides, one day he had smiled very nicely to a beautiful blond-haired girl that had glasses and was probably twice as clever as I.

But still there was a chance that he had some kind of a weird crush on me, in a normal way that friends do, of course. I almost hoped that it was the case. We could just make an agreement and start kissing in the dark corners and it would be so great.

Then the third accident occurred.

xxxxx

We were alone in the dormitory. James had gone somewhere, because apparently – who would have thought – he had finally had some luck with Lily and he had got a chance to go sit next to her when she read a book or something as enchanting as that. Peter was out, probably holding hands with his new brown-haired girlfriend. I was just… well, minding my own business on my bed. It was too early to go to sleep, I couldn't hang around with James or Pete, and I kind of thought that this was a good time to expose Remus' big crush on me, so I stayed.

'Padfoot!' Remus finally snapped after almost half an hour of boring silence. 'You're staring at me! I'm trying to read here, as you well know.'

'I'm not staring at you,' I said, staring at him.

Remus put his book aside, which in fact was quite a worryingly sign. 'Yes, you are! You have been staring at me for two months. It was kind of amusing in the beginning, in addition to being really weird, but now I'm just getting tired with it, so would you please cut it off and let me be?'

I blinked. There were just so many things implied, for example that I had been watching him, and I didn't really know if it was better to confess or to pretend that I didn't know what he was talking about.

But then again, he had caught me staring at his butt about fifty times.

'Sorry,' I finally said, 'I just wanted to check if you were staring at me.'

Now he looked really confused. 'What?'

'You know, there have been this incidents with us snogging, and I just thought that, well, maybe you had a big crush on me.'

'Oh, _shut up_,' he snapped. 'Last time it was you who kissed me. You said that you wanted to _try something_, you ass.'

'But I really did, I – '

'You just don't realize anything,' Remus said.

I was going to complain but couldn't, because he walked at me, sat next to me on my bed and grabbed my face. I felt like he had been trying to eat me, but in a good way.

'Remus – '

'Don't,' he mumbled, 'just don't.'

'But – '

'And stop staring at my ass. It's making me uncomfortable.'

'I – '

'Just forget about it. I'll just… one more time… we are done…'

But we weren't. And I didn't. He kissed me again, a wet and clumsy kiss, and then more careful one, and then a few others, long slow kisses with a bit of tongue and even a bit of teeth. I let my fingers slide on his neck, his skin that was surprisingly cold, slight scars that he seemed to have even under his hair. Surprisingly, he suddenly had his fingers under my shirt, only slighty of course, drawing small circles on the skin of my back. His fingers were a bit too cold but I really, really didn't feel like complaining.

I had my eyes tightly closed. Kissing went on and on and then just as soon it was over, Remus was on his own bed, breathing hard, and James stood on the doorway explaining happily how he had finally got to sit next to Lily Evans without getting hexed.

xxxxx

Then, finally, I was beginning to wonder if maybe they weren't accidents after all. Maybe, just maybe, I had somehow been trying to get to kiss Remus. I couldn't stop staring at his butt, even though he caught me almost every time. Soon it seemed that he didn't even mind anymore but seemed almost enlightened. Sometimes when I was being extremely bold I thought that perhaps there was something going on here.

And then we kissed on a dark corridor after a very great prank. And then in our own bathroom, having accidentally crashed into each other in one morning when both of us had hangover. And then, after a few days, we managed to end up kissing in an empty classroom and were almost caught by professor McGonagall. Remus claimed that he had a nightmare about it afterwards.

At first I thought it was great. I really, really liked kissing Remus, touching his neck, fingering his cheeks and, of course, grabbing his butt and making his swear at me. But in a few weeks it began to feel weird that we never talked. I even began to wonder if I had been wrong right in the beginning. Maybe it had been me who had had a big crush on Remus all the way.

'What?' Remus muttered that night, when we were snogging on the common door even though we clearly shouldn't have.

'What?' I asked him back.

'You aren't focusing.'

I frowned. 'Really?'

He backed away, just in time before a few first-graders passed us by throwing a suspicious look at us. When they were gone, Remus turned to glance me looking almost angry.

'Are you having second thoughts?' he almost hissed. 'Is that it?'

'Second thoughts about what?' I hissed back.

'About – ' but he couldn't say it.

xxxxx

Two weeks went by without us kissing at all. Not one single kiss, not even a small one. I was beginning to feel like everything was out of place, or like the world had fallen into pieces and someone had just used a really crappy charm to put it back together. Of course, I was really worried about myself because I was using that sentimental metaphors.

Something was obviously wrong indeed.

I caught Remus as he tried to sneak out of the dormitory without talking to me. James and Peter were already gone and I had lurked in the bathroom, just waiting for the moment when Remus would be alone and couldn't run away. He looked disbelieving when I stopped in front of the door.

'What now?' he sighed. 'I really want to go to eat breakfast.'

'I want to keep on kissing,' I said as firmly as I could.

He stared at me.

'Really, Moony, it's been two weeks! I'm dying here! You can't do it to me!'

'Do what, exactly?' Remus asked, sounding somewhat wary.

'Kiss me first and then just stop it! It's unfair, Moony, and I just won't take it – '

'Well, what do you want?' He had stood up and was now staring right back at me. He looked concerned and alarmed and ready run away but also, well, maybe a bit angry. Or frustrated.

'I want…' I said, frowning, 'well, I don't know what I want, but I surely don't want this!'

'But I can't do it anymore,' he said looking at me, his voice quiet but tough. 'Please, Padfoot.'

'Of course you can do it,' I said, shocked of the thought that the kissing would stop for good, 'it's been so good all the way, we are so good, and I _really _have to keep on kissing you – '

'I can't,' Remus repeated.

'But you do.'

'But I don't. I'll throw a hex at you if you don't let me go now.'

'I know worse hexes than you,' I said, though it probably wasn't true because he was the one who was always rolling his eyes when I or James or Peter got mixed with trying to throw one hex and ending up using another.

Remus just stood there, looking both at me and the door behind me.

'Moony,' I said, changing tactic, '_please_. You are so good. You are the best.'

He answered my stare, now looking really sad. 'But they're just accidents. Just stupid things we do.'

'Yes,' I said, then saw his face, 'no, of course not! We can call them whatever you want, as long as we can keep doing it – '

'But – ' Remus said, taking a deep breath, 'I like you. I really like you. Like, for real.'

I frowned, 'what do you mean, like for real?'

'Like… like I don't want to just kiss on the corridors.'

'So – ' I started, 'you are in love with me.'

He looked extremely uncomfortable. 'Padfoot, please – '

'You want to hold hands with me.'

'Well, yeah… But we don't have to talk about this, really, I just… I really can't keep on just kissing you – '

'Would you if we also hold hands?'

He froze. 'What?'

'Would you keep on kissing me if we also hold hands? Or went to the breakfast together or whatever it is that you want?'

He looked at me, slowly shaking his head. 'Don't trick me with this.'

'It's not a trick! I'll do whatever you like. Even if it's holding hands or something else as girlish.'

'You can't kiss girls anymore,' Remus said with a careful voice, like he had been trying to tiptoe around a dragon without stepping on its tail. 'In fact, you can't kiss anyone but me. If we do this.'

'Yeah, I figured. It's fine. I don't want to, anyway.'

Remus looked confused. 'And, well, you'll have to… you'll have to inform me if you want to stop. You can't just disappear.'

'Yeah, I know. I couldn't anyway. We are best friends, Moony.'

'And… and I don't know if I can tell anyone else.'

'It's fine.'

'And you can't do it just to keep on kissing me,' he said, now almost whispering. 'Really. If you do it all just to get snogging I'll hex you with something so bad that you won't even know which books to read to find it.'

'I'm not doing this just to get snogging.'

Remus opened his mouth and then shut it again. He took a few steps back and sat down onto Peter's bed. All the time he was watching me with confused look in his eyes.

'Padfoot, I just… I never thought… I thought we were just kissing. Just for fun. Or that you were.'

'Yeah…' I said slowly, 'well, it seems that I accidentally fell for you in some point.'

He looked at me, shaking his head slowly. 'You could make me more miserable than anyone else.'

'Sure, but I won't.'

'So you really – ' he started, swallowing hard, ' – really, well…'

'Like you? Yeah.' I sighed. 'But please, is there something more that you want to say or could we just, well, do something else instead? Already? It's been two weeks, for Merlin's sake!'

'Pads – '

'Yeah, I know, I'm lovely. But I really, really want to shut up now and go back to the kissing.'

'Well,' Remus said, 'alright.'


End file.
